


I know you love me

by Atinydokii



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Crying, Emotionless Character, Hanahaki AU, Hospitals, I don't want to spoil it, M/M, Mild Smut, Moving In Together, Panic Attacks, Proposals, Sorry no Jongho :(, Surgery, Unrequited Love, Vomiting, but I promise its a happy ending, gravely injured, lack of feelings, let me know if i miss any tags, moments of panic, one of them ends up in bad condition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25056907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atinydokii/pseuds/Atinydokii
Summary: They were supposed to be inseparable, staying together through thick and thin for the rest of their lives. Since they were young, their parents were aware of it as well. Soulmates were what they were called, and the two friends couldn’t have said it better themselves. Their pinkies would wrap around each other and their thumbs would touch, whispering soft promises of their friendship.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa, unrequited Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang
Comments: 20
Kudos: 121





	I know you love me

**Author's Note:**

> I loved writing this ;; I hope you all enjoy reading it

They were supposed to be inseparable, staying together through thick and thin for the rest of their lives. Since they were young, their parents were aware of it as well. Soulmates were what they were called, and the two friends couldn’t have said it better themselves. Their pinkies would wrap around each other and their thumbs would touch, whispering soft promises of their friendship. 

They met when they were young, in grade school when Yeosang was a new student and kind of shy. Their first meeting could never have been forgotten. Wooyoung practically tackled him in excitement. 

“Are you the new student?! I’m Wooyoung! Oh! Wanna be friends? Or even best friends?!” The hyper personality of his was overwhelming, but since the boy just moved there and was starting in grade school alone, he accepts without complaint. Thank God he did. 

Wooyoung stood up for him, always made sure he was included, knew exactly when his best friend was upset over anything. Whether Yeosang was happy or sad, Wooyoung was there with his big smile and gorgeous laugh. They stayed like that for years, even attending the same high school together. Wooyoung was always there. 

Yeosang knew from the beginning he was in love with Wooyoung. Yet it seemed Wooyoung didn’t feel the same way. While Yeosang felt butterflies in his stomach whenever Wooyoung talked to him, he seemed completely fine. When Yeosang would drop not so subtle hints, Wooyoung either didn’t catch them or completely ignored them, and he had reason to believe both. Maybe it was just high school hormones and the elder being a bit too hopeful. Then college came and nothing was different except one thing. 

They were supposed to be inseparable, but then San came into the picture their sophomore year of college. There was nothing wrong with San at all. In fact, he was funny, smart, kind, and always trying to include Yeosang in their shenanigans. Jealousy suffocated him when he saw the look in Wooyoung’s eyes when San talks or just exists in general. It made it hard to breathe and his stomach upset, because that’s the way he looked at Wooyoung. 

Wooyoung would tell him how he gets so hot when San complimented him or how he texts him good morning every day and it puts him in a great mood that even his least favorite class couldn’t pull him out of. What hurt more? The fact that he felt the same about Wooyoung? Or the fact that when Yeosang did those same things, he didn’t feel that tingle inside that San provided him? 

Sparkles and adoration filled his irises as the newest addition to their friendship was telling some story Yeosang didn’t care about. Not when he felt physically ill to the point he might throw up at the way his best friend drooled over San. San and his stupid patch of green hair over his eye that he agreed to dye, because no matter how much he hated San, he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Wooyoung just happened to be in love with him instead of Yeosang. That and San made him so happy. 

That day he left early, mumbling something about feeling sick. They both gave him a worried look but the brunette just shook his head and encouraged the two to continue their day without him. Knowing he ruined their day would only make him feel worse. With a promise to text Wooyoung when he gets back to his dorm room, he heads out of the café they were eating at. There was a lot of homework he still had to do anyways. 

Yet the closer he got to his dorm room, the worse he felt, and he began to believe that he probably wouldn’t be doing any homework today. 

What is weird is that this isn’t a new occurrence. In fact, this has been pretty common the last couple of months. He would either dry heave or actually throw something up every time he was with San and Wooyoung. Only sometimes did he have to leave early. Usually, he could hold it back. 

Yeosang hates himself for it. Seriously? Throwing up just because he is jealous that Wooyoung likes San and not him? He’s not a fucking pre teen anymore. Yet there he was, rushing to enter the code to his building, slipping the elevator since he couldn’t wait long enough to walk up a couple flights of stairs. Luckily his roommate wasn’t there when he slammed open the door, stepping in to quickly lock it. If he doesn’t reach the toilet now, he will end up vomiting on the floor. 

With dizzy steps, he thanked god he made it in time, falling to his knees and lifting the lid to the bowl up. He heaved into the bowl, nothing coming up at first. He kept choking though- there is something there- before he finally chokes to the point he is crying. A single white flower petal falls from his throat and into the toilet. He stared at it with glossy eyes, trying to decipher what just happened. 

“What the fuck?” No way in hell will he reach into the toilet to pull out whatever monstrosity just came up his throat, but there is no mistaking the fact that it’s a flower petal staring back at him as it floats in the water. Yeosang is too eager to flush it away, now feeling impossibly worse. Why the fuck did he just throw up a fucking flower petal?!

Maybe it’s some sick dream. That pale face he is looking at in the mirror isn’t the real him, right? There was no other explanation. No no. He could just sleep this off and it’ll never happen again, right? 

Wrong. 

He thought it was a dream. It’s only a few days later, Yeosang not even with either of the two but instead stuck in his own dorm where he chokes up more petals. Not just one. Quite a few into his hand. This time he has a chance to feel and look at them. They’re gross but without whatever substance is on top of it, the petals are smooth like velvet and white in color. Three of them rest in his hand, the brunette’s eyes wide and transfixed on them. Last time he checked, he isn’t eating flowers for breakfast, so why was he throwing them up? 

After getting some toilet paper, he sets it on his nightstand to place the flowers on (because he feels like he needs to keep them) before he begins researching what was going on with him. All he had to type in is _throwing up flowers_ to get his answer. 

The words _Hanahaki disease_ stared at him through his dimly lit phone screen. Yeosang’s thumb shook as he pressed the link, opening the page to a medical website. 

_Hanahaki disease is a rare condition where flowers begin to fill up someone’s throat with flower petals. The disease is caused by unrequited love and the flowers usually have some correlation between the person and the one who doesn’t love them back. The longer this occurs, the more petals will form and the heaving will get more violent. If the love is not reciprocated, the person suffering of the disease will die. The only cure is the removal of emotions- a surgery done that removes the ability to feel thus stopping the unrequited love and in turn stopping the flowers from growing._

He is about to throw up again. 

His face is in the toilet before he knows it, throwing up his breakfast along with anything he ate afterwards. No petals this time but it’s not any more pleasant. He heaves and heaves until his stomach is empty and he feels like he is sweating buckets. It’s disgusting but he feels too awful to care. 

It’s all because of Wooyoung that this is happening to him. His stupid crush on Wooyoung is the reason he is coughing up some fucking type of flower that he doesn’t know of and will possibly die from. A sigh escapes him as he flushes the toilet, going through that thought over and over again. This could kill him. 

It almost feels like a whole new layer of his heart is broken. He feels so sick and disgusting as he begins to sob, holding his head in his hands. It hasn’t even occurred to him that maybe he is more in love with Wooyoung than he thought, and that hurts him even more. He has been trying so hard to pretend like it is just a stupid crush to save himself the pain of being hurt like this, but it’s too late now. His face is already covered in tears, snot, and saliva. Nothing could be more fitting for how he currently feels. 

Why couldn’t he just love him back? 

Truthfully, Wooyoung does love him… Just not in the same way. 

Wooyoung loves him like a brother. If Yeosang needed absolutely anything, the younger wouldn’t hesitate to help. His ass has been saved by the other more times than he can count, and he is grateful for that. It was done out of brotherly love, though. Not the love Yeosang felt. 

No Wooyoung feels that way about San. He comes home late every night giggling and running his mouth while Yeosang is on the cusp of finally falling asleep. Yet he wakes right up with the name leaves Wooyoung’s lips. They had gone out on a date that wasn’t really a date, even though they all knew it was in fact a date. They had a blast together, going to the arcade, going to get ice cream, and ending their day with a walk. 

His best friend comes home holding a pink teddy bear under his arm. “He won it for me at the arcade!” Wooyoung would practically yell in joy when Yeosang asked about it. He isn’t able to stop himself from thinking about how many bears and toys he could have won Wooyoung if they went on a date together. Or what ice cream flavors they would get when going to get ice cream. 

This continues for too long. It’s finals week and Yeosang has started collecting the petals by now. Over time they increase in number and it scares him. It’s like a countdown and he is unaware of when the end is. He just has his book open, unable to concentrate as he looks at the jar on his desk. The petals taunt him in return, some of them stained, none of them perfectly white. 

It’s kind of morbid when you think about it. At some point he is supposed to die because there would be too many flowers in his throat and it would make him suffocate. Yet here they are, in a glass jar with his name written on it in sharpie. He’s collecting the thing that will be his end. As he stares at it, the tears rolling down his face don’t even bother him. Even as they land on the pages of his textbook, he isn’t able to find it in himself to care. 

Why is he even studying so hard anyways? It’s only a matter of time. Though, he has spent too long working towards high grades and was even graduating this year. He had been accepted into his top college and everything. It would be a shame to give it all up now. Plus he already agreed to go to some senior party with Wooyoung and San. It’s merely an excuse to get drunk without having to buy anything. 

The party would have been great. The music is loud, there are drinks everywhere and classmates of all genders grinding up against him. He’s on his third drink and has also had a few shots when he leaves a pretty girl to go take a leak. His footsteps are shaky and his vision isn’t the best, but he still gets a good look at what is in front of him. 

San is backed up against the wall by Wooyoung who is practically devouring his lips. San’s hands on his waist hold him close, both equally into it. Even in the dark hallway he can see they are both sporting matching hickies on their necks. All the alcohol and food he had eaten before is quickly coming up his throat. The glass breaks as he drops it on the floor, bolting to the bathroom as he feels his throat close up. 

It’s a miracle that he’s able to close and lock the door because it isn’t even a second after he gets on his knees that he vomits into the toilet bowl. It’s never been this bad. He’s throwing up his food, the alcohol, anything in his system _except_ the petals. They were there though, he can feel it. The petals tickle the back of his throat, causing him to heave over and over again until finally one comes up… Then another… And another. 

But this time there is something different. The normally white petals are stained a deep red, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth as more bile leaves him. His vision is getting spotty and he can barely hear someone banging on the door. They can’t see this. They can’t see the flowers. 

All he remembers is flushing the toilet, his body slumping to the floor soon after as he passes out. 

He couldn’t do this. This needs to end. 

Yeosang can’t let his heart keep breaking like this. 

“You know you don’t have to do this.” Wooyoung says with concern as he drives Yeosang to his appointment. What Wooyoung doesn’t know is he does. His life is on the line. “Have you tried telling them you liked them? Maybe they like you back but they’re too shy!” 

“They don’t, Woo. They’re dating someone. I told you this.” He sighs, looking out the window. Tears fell from his eyes until they couldn’t fall anymore. 

“Why won’t you tell me who it is?” The younger asks after a moment of silence. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?” Yeosang chuckles sadly. This will be the last time he is able to anyways. This’ll be the last time he cries or laughs. The last time he can be angry or smile. All of his emotions will be gone once the surgery has taken place. The most important though, he won’t be able to love anymore. 

Yeosang wouldn’t feel shame when Wooyoung yells at him from hiding the flower petals and keeping his illness a secret, or when San gives him a concerned frown and deep down the elder wonders if he knew. Just that look in San’s eyes… 

“Promise me something then?” The brunette turns to him when he hears his question. “Promise that when you come out of there, we will still be best friends? Forever?” He holds out his pinky while still looking at the road. 

His own pinky wraps around it, their thumbs connecting. “I promise, Woo.”

; 

It sucks honestly.

It sucks to have no emotion whatsoever. It sucks when you’re in a crowd and everyone laughs, but your face remains emotionless. It sucks when your grandfather dies, but you’re incapable of mourning or crying as they lower the casket into the ground and your mother clings to your arm. 

It sucks to see someone so excited about something as they tell you only to deflate when you offer nothing but a blank stare. 

It sucks but it doesn’t coax a reaction out of him. He couldn’t feel sad or angry about it. He didn’t have remorse or regret, so in a way it doesn’t suck that much. It’s only been a few years since the surgery and he is able to tell the shift in everything. Wooyoung’s eyes still linger on the scar on his neck and San still asks him if he wants to go out with them after classes.

Yeosang indulges them sometimes. He’s also always there for him and just as he promised, Wooyoung was his best friend. While they miss the old Yeosang, both of the younger ones loved him just as much. Wooyoung likes to joke around that Yeosang is the best person to talk to because he had no bias and was the definition of straightforward. 

Still, one thing that didn’t change is how reserved he was. After his surgery, Wooyoung and San began to hang out with a group of people and wanted Yeosang to meet them. He agreed easily, yet when it came to actually meeting them, the boy didn’t say much. 

Just like now as he plays with the end of his newly bleached hair, they are all talking around the table to each other. Classes start up again in a few weeks. It’s their senior year and hopefully, their last. So far everyone is on track to finish on time but one class can change that. That’s neither here nor there though. Only a few of them shared classes with each other. Mingi shared a class with San who’s schedule almost entirely matches up with Wooyoung’s. He is pretty sure Hongjoong has a class with someone too, but he doesn’t remember. 

“Yeosang.” He hears a whisper next to him. The blonde turns to his side to see Seonghwa next to him. Out of all the people in the group, besides his best friend and his boyfriend of course, Seonghwa is the one to talk to him the most. He isn’t even sure why. It’s not like he felt lonely or left out. It’s literally impossible for him to. Yet the eldest made sure to always include Yeosang no matter what. “What are your classes this semester?” 

“Let me pull it up.” He takes his phone out and pulls up his schedule, handing it over to the other. Seonghwa’s eyes trail over the screen until they widen with a big smile. 

“We share a class together. We should sit next to each other, Yeosang.” He looks so genuinely happy and Yeosang wonders what that feels like again. 

“Uh, yeah. Sure. We can.” They aren’t in the same major, but he still has a general education course to knock out before he can graduate. Seonghwa must be in the same boat. 

Seonghwa is a great student though. If he remembers correctly, he has only gotten straight A’s his entire college career up until that point, which is impressive. Yeosang makes pretty average grades. A pro to not having any emotions is that he doesn’t panic or stress over exams. It also doesn’t distract him that people stare at the prominent scar on his neck now that more people know about the disease that is growing in cases. 

A con is that he doesn’t care enough to put in a lot of effort. He listens very well and he takes notes, but he doesn’t do much beyond that. He will read the textbook every now and then, soaking up the information but he rarely needs to study for exams. Sometimes it works in his favor and sometimes it doesn’t. Though what can you expect from someone who literally doesn’t care? 

“Do you think maybe I can have your number?” He is cut out of his thoughts by Seonghwa once again. 

“You know I can’t feel emotions right?” Yeosang asks with a raised eyebrow. The elder immediately blushes and shakes his head as he realizes what his question sounded like. 

“No not like that. Just, you know, as friends. So we can talk and maybe study together for our class?” Seems genuine enough. He holds his hand out, not saying anything. It takes a moment for Seonghwa to process what he is asking before he hastily fishes his phone out of his pocket and opens his contacts to create a new one. “Just put your information in and I’ll text you later.” 

The smile he gives is sweet. Yeosang types away, putting his number along with his full name in his contact list before confirming. Nothing special. A small thank you leaves Seonghwa’s lips as he returns his phone to him and he pockets it once more. 

Even without emotions, he still finds himself mentally worn out every night. He heads to his room with the promise to Wooyoung, who he now dorms with along with San, that he is going to bed early when in reality he will probably only get a few hours of sleep max. As he closes his door and throws his phone on the bed, he immediately sees the screen light up. Of course, right as he throws it. 

The blonde just walks over, sitting on the edge of the bed, taking his shoes off before reaching for his phone. His screen lights up, a text from an unknown number staring back at him. He opens the text, reading the message that came with it. 

**XXX-XXX-XXXX**  
_Yeosang? It’s Seonghwa! :)_

**Kang Yeosang**  
_hi seonghwa  
this is yeosang _

**Park Seonghwa**  
 _Great!  
I enjoyed talking to you today. Hopefully the semester will be easier to handle having a friend haha_

Friend? That is interesting. No one other than San and Wooyoung really considered him a friend. At least that he is aware of. It sounds rude, but he didn’t see their friends as friends quite yet. They were acquaintances to him at the moment and had to work up to that level. If someone wants to be his friend, he makes sure they truly know what he is like. Yet it seems Yeosang has done enough to be considered a friend to Seonghwa. 

He couldn’t tell you what.

**Kang Yeosang**  
_yeah  
i heard the teacher is awful_

He might as well make some sort of conversation.

**Park Seonghwa**  
_Ugh I heard the same :/  
Let’s hope they aren’t too bad though  
I’ll be heading to bed. It’s nice talking to you, Yeosang :) _

**Kang Yeosang**  
_yeah  
night_

A sigh escapes him as he throws his phone back on his bed, this time face down so he isn’t interrupted once again. Well, at least not by his phone. A knock is at his door before Wooyoung peeks his head through the crack.

“Sangie? Sannie and I are going to get ice cream? You wanna come along or want anything?” He asks quietly, unsure of how tired Yeosang is. He learned over the years that Yeosang would get pissed if he yelled too much while he is exhausted. Even now as he can’t get angry, Wooyoung still tries his best to keep quiet. 

“No. Thank you though. I’m going to bed.” The lie slips through his mouth easily, though not entirely a lie. Yeosang would try to sleep but actually sleep? That’s debatable. Ever since the surgery, he hasn’t had a good night's rest. Though, he guesses he doesn’t really need it. 

Wooyoung wishes him a good night and Yeosang thanks him, waiting to hear the door close and lock before he gets up and heads to the bathroom with his pajamas. The matching set given to him by his mother is set on the counter of the sink, his eyes coming up to view himself in the mirror. No different than any other day. An emotionless expression is on his face, not even phased as his gaze shifts down, trailing along the scar on his neck where the flowers were removed along with his feelings. 

His hand reaches up, fingers running along to feel the curl in the dented skin. It didn’t bother him, but it is almost like a ritual for him to take a look at it, remember everything that happened before he got it. He would rather feel nothing than the pain he felt before. He still remembers it. He remembers it every day. He knows if he could feel just the tiniest bit of anything, it would cause him to cry. Not a single tear has been shed since that day though. 

It’s not long before he is in his bed after changing and brushing his teeth, staring up at the fan as it spins in circles over and over again. He thinks about the past and the present, how different he is all because of a stupid crush. That crush is gone of course, and Yeosang would never blame Wooyoung for what happened to him. Now it’s easier to handle and he is content with his new life.

It’s still hard to find sleep that night but it comes to him earlier than he expects. 

Seonghwa doesn’t really talk to him until the first day back on campus. He sends a quick text here and there but Yeosang isn’t much for small talk, the conversations dying out before they really started. Yeosang is the driest texter in the world and he really isn’t able to help it. 

The blonde makes sure to choose a seat in the very back where no one would notice or pay attention to him. Still, a mop of black curly hair walks into the room and Seonghwa immediately recognizes him, beanie and oversized hoodie and all. The smile on his face was soft as he worked his way to the back of the auditorium to sit next to the younger. 

“Hey.” Seonghwa greets him quietly, the chatter of students filing in filling the room. 

“Hi.” 

“You think this class will be fun? I’ve always found history interesting, but a professor can make or break it.” Yeosang hums in thought, his eyes glancing over to the teacher sitting at her desk. He has never had her before and hasn’t heard anything about her either. He knows that it’s true that a professor can be the deciding factor on how a class goes. 

“No idea. I’m sure we will find out very quickly, though.” He hopes she isn’t too bad honestly. 

His hopes were destroyed very quickly. A week into the class and he could already tell she was a horrible teacher and she truly didn’t care about teaching. Yeosang never paid attention during class anyways. He would just read the textbook and maybe copy Seonghwa’s notes which were written so nicely next to him. 

His phone vibrates in his pocket, Yeosang pulling it out and looking confused. 

**Park Seonghwa**  
_This class is so boring :p  
No offense to the professor, but she is awful_

Yeosang lets out a little huff at his message.

**Kang Yeosang**  
_yeah  
i havent been listening at all  
you look like you are taking good notes tho_

He can hear a small chuckle come from the person beside him.

**Park Seonghwa**  
_Do you want to copy them?  
I don’t mind truly  
I just want one thing in return_

Yeosang raises his eyebrow, glancing over at Seonghwa who was looking back at him expectedly.

**Kang Yeosang**  
_and that is???_

**Park Seonghwa**  
 _Be my partner for the project?_

**Kang Yeosang**  
_i was already going to ask you lol_

**Park Seonghwa**  
 _Ah well, you can still copy my notes if you want!  
But yeah I’d like to be partners for the project :)_

**Kang Yeosang**  
_yeah  
i would appreciate that_

Yeosang is actually kind of thankful that Seonghwa brought it up. He despised group projects. Strangers looking at his neck and giving him strange looks when he is completely monotone and giving them blank stares is not something he wants to partake in often. Seonghwa already knew what was up with him and wouldn’t question him about it. He remembers how awkward it was when Mingi made a joke about how emotionless he seemed and Wooyoung looked like he wanted to kill him.

It’s not their fault though. It’s his own. 

Their project started well. They worked together easily, in fact a great match for each other when it came to how they divided up the work. They both did the research, Yeosang compiling it all together when they were done and Seonghwa getting the presentation together. They were almost done with the research part, planning to head to the elder’s dorm to do the work that day. It seems that Seonghwa had other ideas. 

“Hey, Yeosang? Before we go, I want to ask something.” He pulls them both to the side, standing on the sidewalk but out of everyone’s way.

“What is it, hyung?” It’s kind of odd that Seonghwa would pull him aside like this. He looks like whatever he is about to ask has been fighting to get out the entire day. 

“Will you go on a date with me?” 

For once in a long time, Yeosang is truly shocked. Surely he misheard the question, right? Did Seonghwa say he wants to go on a date?

“I know what you’re thinking- and I know you don’t have emotions but…” the elder shifts on his feet nervously, a blush creeping up his neck, “I really like you… Of course, you don’t have to.”

“What is there to like about me?” The question comes after a pregnant pause, Seonghwa obviously not expecting it. 

“Well, even if you don’t have emotions… I still enjoy being with you. I like our conversations. I like how you make Wooyoung frustrated sometimes. You still have a personality and I really enjoy being with it. I like you, Yeosang.” 

He is speechless. Yeosang doesn’t consider himself having a personality. I mean… how can you have a personality when you don’t feel anything? And yeah he talks to Seonghwa. He talks about a lot of things like school, movies they watch, Yeosang’s drones he flies around or a new book Seonghwa started reading… But nothing that led Yeosang to believe there is something to like. 

“You know what. Forget it. I’m so-“ 

“I accept.” 

“What?” The other looks at him with surprise. 

“I’ll go on a date with you… Under one condition…” He steps up to Seonghwa to look into his eyes. “You know what you’re signing up for… You know I can’t feel… But I’d rather be in your presence than anyone else… So yeah… A date.”

Perhaps loneliness is still something he doesn’t want. While it’s not a necessity, Yeosang wouldn’t mind being with someone, even if there isn’t any feeling on his side. Though he doesn’t understand fully why anyone would want to date someone who wouldn’t like them back, maybe it would be nice? Yeosang knows he would feel guilty about it if he could, but he is unable to. And the grin that appears on Seonghwa’s face lets him know he made the right choice.

; 

They surprisingly go on many dates. Yeosang would say he enjoyed them in his own way. Seonghwa is kind and gentle. He is patient and quiet which bodes well with Yeosang’s low profile presence. Yeosang has also hurt him a few times with blunt words and he can tell. He immediately apologizes but Seonghwa waves it off.

“I know. Don’t worry.” 

Their friends were all happy for them. Yeosang, understandably so, is pulled to the side and given a long talk about how Hongjoong would kill him if he hurt Seonghwa. The worry is in his eyes and he knows what he is thinking. “He doesn’t like him, so why is he doing it?” He doesn’t really have an answer either. 

He remembers the first time they held hands, Seonghwa’s own brushing his fingers as they walk around the in town carnival. He swore a ton of weight was lifted off of the elder’s shoulder’s when he curled his hand around his in return. Ever since their hands have been locked whenever they were together. A cute pout was always on Seonghwa’s lips when they had to separate. 

One of those times is the first time he asked if he could kiss him. 

Well, kiss his cheek. A goodbye kiss he said, even though they would meet back up in an hour for their next shared class. Still, the blonde pauses for a second before giving a nod. “Yeah. You can kiss me on the cheek.” 

He even turns his head to the side a little, showing his cheek. Seonghwa smiles and leans in, his lips barely grazing against the skin as a small kiss is placed there. Yeosang has to admit, the little blush his boyfriend gets every time he does something like this is nice to see. 

Many more kisses come afterwards, all over his face. His forehead, nose, cheek, and his lips end up covered in little pecks by the end of the day. He makes sure to give some in return, the first time catching Seonghwa so off guard that he almost fell over. Thankfully Yeosang caught him or else he would’ve landed in the koi pond. 

They got intimate as well. One of the few things Yeosang _could_ feel is horny. Sometimes when you have nothing else to do you just jerk yourself off. Now he has a boyfriend who wants to take care of that for him. 

They never go too far. They had this conversation before. It doesn’t sit well that they could have sex while Yeosang feels nothing. The farthest they have gone is some messy blowjobs and fingering each other. 

Currently they are in the shower, the blonde on his knees with Seonghwa’s whole dick down his throat. And just like every time, he makes Seonghwa feel good because it’s what he deserves. 

He deserves a loving boyfriend that would give him the world. Yeosang does his best to keep up with that, giving him everything he possibly can. The other still insists on making Yeosang feel good in return, leaving kisses all over his body and helping him reach that high he craves. 

Then they lay together, Yeosang carding his hands through his hair while Seonghwa kisses along the scar on his neck not so discreetly. It’s only a reminder that Yeosang is unable to feel the way his boyfriend does. 

It’s why he doesn’t understand why he does this. It’s been a few years and they are still together. He still stays by the younger’s side when Yeosang takes everything he gives but has nothing to offer in return. 

“I love you, Yeosang.” He says while sitting in his lap, legs around his waist and arms around his neck. Seonghwa’s lips are against his neck and he can probably feel his pulse pick up just a bit when he says that. The game he was playing is paused, the blonde looking at his boyfriend. 

“Seonghwa… You know I can’t…” And he actually sounds a bit sad about it. He does feel a little bad that he loves him so much and continues to put himself in this situation. 

“I know… I just want you to know I love you…” What’s odd is he doesn’t sound upset by it. In fact, Yeosang can feel the slight curve of his lips as he sits there. 

“I… I know you do… You show me every day.” His boyfriend pulls back with a sweet smile on his lips, cupping his face. 

“That’s enough for me.”

Since his surgery, he hasn’t felt a single emotion. In fact, it’s been so many years that he doesn’t even remember what an emotion felt like. Yet as he moves into a new apartment with his boyfriend of four years, Yeosang feels odd. 

Weird right? 

There’s no way it’s an emotion. That’s actually impossible. 

But whatever it is fills his stomach and makes him feel warm. Maybe he is getting sick or something. 

“Hwa?” 

“Yes, baby?” 

“Can you feel my forehead and see if I have a fever?” Seonghwa, hair now dyed a soft brown, immediately drops what he is doing to come over to him with a frown. 

“Are you feeling sick?” He brings the back of his hand up to his forehead. 

“I don’t know. I just feel hot… And a little funny.” Yeosang is never sick, so Seonghwa always gets extra worried when he does. 

“You don’t feel hot. Why don’t you go sit down and drink some water? Maybe you’re just getting hot from moving everything in?” It sounds like a good idea. 

He sits on the couch they picked out together… Well not really. 

Yeosang graduated with a degree in computer science. 

Seonghwa? Interior design. 

If it was left to the blonde, their new home would not look as nice as it does. It’s sleek yet simple at the same time. Seonghwa called it modern when they were looking at designs for decorations. It looks like a room you would see in a catalogue showing the apartment. It’s that nice. 

“You outdid yourself, Hwa.” The blonde runs a hand through his hair, taking a sip of his water afterwards. 

“Thank you, baby. It’s my job after all.” He laughs before leaning down and planting a kiss on the crown of his head. Maybe Yeosang’s lips curve up a little. 

Seonghwa got a job as a designer for furnished homes that would be shown at house tours. He is really good at it too. Many landlords tell him that if it wasn’t for the furniture being placed where it was, they didn’t believe they would sell as many houses as they did. 

Meanwhile Yeosang works a desk job with- you guessed it- computers. It actually works out really well since he doesn’t have any emotions. It’s good because he doesn’t need a customer service smile or anything like that. He also doesn’t get frustrated and is rather patient, making his work one of the best in the company he works for. 

Their combined income is how they end up in such a nice apartment. 

The blonde is at the counter, idly stirring his coffee when a pair of arms wrap around his waist and a soft kiss is pressed to his neck. 

“Your coffee is going to get cold.” He is snapped out of his gaze, humming as he stops spinning the coffee. “What were you thinking about?”

“Just… Everything honestly…” He turns around in his arms, moving the coffee aside before looking up at his boyfriend. “Like how I got here… How we got here.”

“What do you mean?” He leans down to press their foreheads together. 

“Well…” He reaches up, rubbing his hand against the scar on his throat. “Ever since the surgery, I expected to be alone forever, you know. I never expected to be in a relationship… But here I am, almost five years later with my boyfriend and moving into an apartment together.”

Seonghwa isn’t able to stop the chuckle that comes out of him. He has to remind Yeosang sometimes that even without emotions, there were still many things to love about Yeosang. Not to mention he is fucking gorgeous in the brunette’s eyes. 

“I’m so thankful you are with me, Yeosang. Don’t ever doubt that I would rather be with you over anyone else.” He cups his face, pressing a long kiss to his lips as Yeosang’s finds his waist. “I love you, baby.” 

“I know you do.” He smiles a little at the other. 

If he seemed to smile more over the past year, no one says anything. No one brings up how he seems a little happier, like he has a pep to his step as they say. Yeosang is still pretty emotionless, but he would smile for just a second or frown a little when he heard something sad. Wooyoung would give him a weird look whenever he scoffs or anything because they both know he shouldn’t feel the need to scoff unless he was making fun of someone which is also rare. 

No one says anything though because maybe they don’t want to get their hopes up like he is currently doing. 

There’s no way he can be feeling anything. And it bothers him. It truly _bothers_ him that this is happening. He finds himself looking at the scar on his neck or sometimes forcing his face still by biting on his cheek when his lips threaten to curl.

He thinks about bringing it up. Maybe something is wrong with him. Maybe he is truly sick. Maybe these aren’t emotions and just something else he is trying to hold on to. All he knows is that the warm feeling is there every time Seonghwa is with him and only grows with every kiss and touch he is given. 

It grows when he sees Seonghwa simply sitting there, drinking coffee or watching a movie. It grows when they are asleep next to each other and he watches his soft face completely relax while he is up all night haunted by these feelings. 

If no one else has noticed it, maybe it’s all in his head. Maybe they were like phantom pains- just phantom emotions. No one says anything to him and he hopes that the extra gaze Seonghwa gives him with such a loving look in his eyes is just like he always does and not him seeing something change in Yeosang. 

It’s only on a special day that he realizes he might truly have his feelings back. That this is not all in his head- or maybe it is- but it’s not fake is the point. 

Seonghwa likes to treat him every now and then. They would go on trips or to fancy restaurants. They both synced their vacations up to go on a getaway to some resort that looks too expensive. His boyfriend refused to let him see the price, saying he wanted to plan the whole trip and surprise him. 

Surprised he was. 

Half way through they are on a beach late at night. A small bonfire is lit and they sit next to each other, Yeosang wrapped in the elder’s arms. 

“Baby? You think you can go get some more firewood over there? I need to get something out of the bag.” He doesn’t even need to reply as he goes to get a few more firewood pieces while Seonghwa dug in his bag, looking for something. It’s only once Yeosang threw the firewood in, cleaning his hands against each other before he turns around and stops in his tracks. 

It’s Seonghwa, on one knee with the biggest smile on his face. Yeosang’s eyes widened, his hand coming up over his mouth. Is he really…?

“Sangie, baby… I know our relationship is different… I know you sometimes think I deserve better. But you’re perfect for me. I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else.” He pauses, taking Yeosang’s hand as he holds out a ring in a velvet box. It’s simple, a diamond on it that shines brighter than the stars. 

“Yeosang, I love you so much...Will you marry me?” The nerves can be seen in Seonghwa’s eyes as he tries to gauge his reaction. The hand over his mouth hides it, but nevertheless, he nods quickly and holds his hand out. With a giant grin, the brunette slides the ring onto his finger, standing and removing his hand so he can lean in and kiss him. 

Yeosang doesn’t want to admit it… It shouldn’t be possible. 

He loves Seonghwa.

; 

He is currently being rushed into the emergency room as they speak. Yeosang feels himself gasp in horror as an officer calls him, relaying to him what happened. It is pouring outside yet Seonghwa still had to work. As he was driving back, he had apparently hydroplaned into the railing on the side of the interstate. The officer tells him it’s unpleasant and that his fiancé is gravely injured. The ambulance picked him up and drove him to the nearest hospital, which Yeosang is now heading to.

For the first time in years, he is terrified. For the first time since his surgery, tears cling to his eyelashes as he tries his best to hold them back. The last thing he needs is to also be in a car accident, but he isn’t able to stop himself if he is speeding a little to get to the hospital faster. 

The nurses almost jump out of their skin when he rushes in, soaked from the rain and begging to see his fiancé. Seonghwa’s name is repeated over and over again until they lead him back and he busts into his hospital room. 

It’s been years… 

Yeosang breaks down in a loud sob when he comes face to face with the state of the brunette. There are wires and tubes everywhere. So much so that he isn’t sure where they begin and where they end. He sees a large one in his mouth and down his throat, a ventilator pumping oxygen into his system. The others were reading his vitals and an IV drip was inserted in his good arm. He has a brace on the other arm resting over the blanket he is covered in. 

His head is wrapped in multiple bandages and he is sure there’s still more to uncover under the hospital blanket. It’s heartbreaking to see all the dry blood that has stained his skin and hear the deafening beeps of the vital monitor, as if it’s waiting for something to rise or drop. It’s obvious his fiancé is unconscious. 

The younger waits for the door to close behind until he is rushing to Seonghwa’s side, taking his hand on the uninjured arm. As soon as he is alone he breaks down even more. It’s even harder to see up close. He can see all the cuts and bruises along his face and neck now that he is next to him. 

“H-Hwa! Please! Wake up!” Tears fill his eyes until it’s hard for him to see. Yeosang doesn’t get a response. 

“I-I need you! Hwa, I-I’ve been terrified recently. I’ve been _feeling_ things again! I-I tried to ignore it. I-it shouldn’t be possible. But fuck, baby,” he takes a shaky breath, “I’ve fallen for you. Park Seonghwa, I love you and I need your help t-to learn what these emotions are again. I’ve been so _happy_ being with you. Please! Wake up so I can make up for all the times I s-should have said I love you too… S-So I can walk down the aisle and say I do… please!” He sobs for a few seconds, almost choking when he feels a soft squeeze to his hand. 

The blonde looks up, Seonghwa seeming to still be asleep, but he isn’t... He smiles softly around the tube in his mouth, letting him know he heard everything. Yeosang’s Heart feels like it’s about to bust out of his chest as he leans forward, resting his hand against his hand as he sobs harder than he ever has before. It’s liberating in a way but also so scary. But Seonghwa would be okay. He knows he will be. He doesn’t need to tell Yeosang for him to know. 

“Sir?” An old and well put together doctor opens the door to his room to greet him with a soft smile, “Are you his fiancé?” It’s only then that he realizes he is clutching onto Seonghwa’s hand until it was turning red. The blonde is quick to move to the side, wiping up the tears he had on his face as he sobs. 

“There there… I can come ba-“

“ _No_. Tell m-me how he is. Please…” Yeosang grabs onto the doctor’s arm to stop him from leaving. 

“Please, I… I need to know…”

The doctor smiles once again. 

“He is going to be fine. The accident was really bad but he made it out well. He has broken a few bones and some ribs, but nothing vital has been punctured or injured. He will be sore and we will probably keep him for at least another day. He is very lucky to be alive right now.”

Yeosang has never been met with better news. As he goes to speak again, he notices the doctor’s eyes linger on his neck. His hand quickly comes up to cover the scar, causing the doctor to fluster slightly. 

“I will leave you with him.” He is quick to scurry out, leaving a relieved Yeosang behind. He finds himself turning back to Seonghwa, taking his hand again. 

“D-Did you hear m-me?” Another soft squeeze. It causes him to gasp and put his hand over his mouth. “I… I don’t know how…” 

The blonde leans forward, placing his forehead on Seonghwa’s cold hand. He cries there, not even remembering when he fell asleep. 

Everyone was surprised when they came to visit the pair in their apartment after Seonghwa was sent home. 

You’d think after being in a serious car accident, everyone would be focused on you. 

That’s not the case when there is a bubbly and happy Yeosang around. 

As soon as Hongjoong knocks on the door, Yeosang answers with a smile. He is obviously tired based on the bags under his eyes, but nothing about his demeanor or behavior suggests otherwise. 

“You made it!” Yeosang leaned forward to hug him. “Seonghwa just woke up actually. He is in the bedroom if you want to see him. Would you like anything to drink?” The blonde steps aside to allow a bewildered Hongjoong inside. 

“Uh… J-Just some water?” Another smile is thrown the elder’s way before he walks off. 

Hongjoong quickly makes his way into their room, seeing Seonghwa awake and scrolling through his phone. 

“Seonghwa!” The brunette looks up at him and smiles. 

“Hi, Hongjoong.”

“What the hell is wrong with Yeosang?” 

“I’m doing well thanks for asking.” He laughs and motions for Hongjoong to sit next to him. Hongjoong does and up close, you can really see just what Injuries he had. 

“I’m not sure how,” he starts when the other sits next to him, “but he has regained all his emotions back… I’ve noticed it recently but I didn’t think anything of it.” He sighs. 

“It’s sad when the first time you see your fiancé truly express an emotion is when you’re unable to respond in a hospital bed and he is sobbing from how scared he is.” He says it like it’s nothing, as if he had said it many times. 

“It’s the first time he told me he loved me… And he truly meant it.” The ends of his slightly swollen lips curl up, watching said boy enter the room with two glasses of water and a soda bottle under his arm. 

“Here you are.” He sets one of the cups on the nightstand next to their bed and hands the other to their guest. 

“Thank you.” Hongjoong smiles and takes a sip of his drink. He quickly glances at the scar on his neck. _It’s still there_. How is it possible? Before he could ask, his phone begins to buzz. 

“One second.” He stands from the bed and walks out of the room, leaving the two behind. 

“Hey, Hwa?” 

“Yes, baby?” 

“I love you.” He grins like he does every time he says it, aka multiple times a day, before he leans in to kiss him. It makes Seonghwa chuckle before kissing him back, the corners of his lips still curled up. 

“I love you too, baby.”


End file.
